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Take Care Of Yourself

2013-02-20T22:36:00.005-08:00

You Are Important

You are always taking care of yourself enough, when you do what is expected of you. Greatness is being responsible. Being responsible means to do what is expected of you. Focus on taking care of yourself enough while doing what is expected of you for yourself, your family, your profession, and your community.

Sometimes you think that you are focusing enough, however, when things are not going well it is because you are not focusing on taking care of yourself enough. Only you know if you are really taking care of yourself enough. No one thinks in your mind.

You are always taking care of yourself. Even if someone is drunk and stumbling all over the sidewalk, they are taking care of themselves the best they can under the circumstances. Life takes place in a decision. As soon as you take care of yourself, your expectations shift into gear. That is when you go for it! If you are not shifting your expectations into gear, it could be a sign that you are not taking care of yourself enough at this moment.

It is impossible for you to take care of someone else. You can do for others, you can be responsible to others, however you cannot take care of others or be responsible for them. That includes babies and elderly people. You do not think in their minds. You can question if someone is taking care of himself or herself enough. You cannot judge if they are doing so. You do not walk in their shoes.

The most challenging lesson you can learn is to focus enough on taking care of yourself! The problem with being a human being is that we forget, or sometimes we pretend not to know.

When you make a commitment to focus on taking care of yourself enough, you make a difference in your life and the life of others. Focusing on taking care of yourself while doing for others lets others know where you are coming from. It is important to come from your heart.

Work hard to take care of your self enough! Above all be honest with yourself and others. Always give the very best of yourself to others. If you think about it, you are all that you have to give.

You are created perfect in every way. Your results are created excellent. This leaves room for improvement. The room for improvement is still the greatest room in the world.

Some people spend their entire life looking for utopia (the ideal life.) The closest thing you will ever get to utopia is focusing on taking care of yourself enough most of the time.

You must forgive yourself for not having results that are perfect all the time. Some days, you are going to forget to focus enough.

All the advice you will ever receive in your lifetime, on any subject, translates into "take care of yourself enough."

What matters most is how you see yourself. The way you see yourself can sometimes be measured on how well you take care of yourself enough! Involve yourself in practicing to focus on taking care of yourself enough, while doing for yourself, your family, your profession, and your community. This is a great exercise in seeing yourself. The best way to see yourself is to focus on taking care of yourself enough. You cannot see yourself as others see you by looking in the mirror.

It is something like walking and chewing gum at the same time. You would do better if you focused on walking. If you focus on chewing gum, you could stumble and fall. Chewing gum should come naturally. Walking does not come naturally. People stumble and fall every day. The only real challenge you have in this life is to focus on taking very good care of yourself enough!

Practice, practice, and practice some more, focusing on taking care of yourself enough in everything you do. You will make better choices in everything you do, say, and think. You will be in touch with a most important resource in your life. Who you are is your gift. How well you take care of yourself, while doing for yourself and others, is your gift back.

"HELP SOMEONE TODAY"

2013-02-19T04:36:00.000-08:00

Who Can You Help Today?

Are you your brother's keeper? Are you responsible for his/her welfare? None of us can help everyone, but each of us can help someone near us. It may be only a smile, an encouraging word, a shoulder to cry on, or a hug to motivate them. Sometimes, it takes more. Figuratively speaking, it might require a swift kick in the pants or a warning of what the future could hold, if attitudes and actions aren't changed.
We need to be honest in our assessments. We need to understand the repercussions of interfering, when we're not asked. We need to ask God what our tasks should be. Know that you have an Encourager within, who will lead you to right decisions. Trust Him. He's there to make sure you do what's right. Remember, every person you see today is someone whom God loves. You know, none of us deserves God's love, but He loves us anyway.
Jesus told His followers that they would be known by their love. Doesn't that presume that people should see in us a love expressed through our deeds and interactions with others? The essence of God's kingdom is unselfish love. When God's love is present, it results in us helping others.
There is a certain gratification in worldly accomplishments, but it doesn't bring the satisfaction and fulfillment we crave in our hearts. You were created in the image of God, who is love. When you become a giver instead of a taker, you will find comfort, contentment, and joy in your living. So, be a blessing; be a helper. May one of your purposes in life be to help someone today.

ACCEPTANCE

2013-02-16T20:37:00.001-08:00

ACCEPTANCE

The Way to Enlightenment

If you wish to go to the Top and be Enlightened, ACCEPT your Mistakes or Weaknesses.

If you Expand the word ACCEPT in ACCEPTANCE, it shows the path towards the Top & Enlightenment!

A stands for AWARE / ANALYSE – When you commit any mistake or find out your weakness, just be aware of it and carry out analysis.

C stands for Control – Once you are aware and have analyzed your mistake/weakness, get control over it so that you do not repeat it.

C stands for Command – Next step after Control is to have Command on your Weakness/Mistake.

E stands for Excel – Commandment over your mistake & weakness will take you to Excellence.

P stands for Power – The Excellence you have achieved over your mistake & weakness will give you Power (Positive Power).

T stands for Towards Top – With Power (Positive Power) you gained by going through the path and reaching to excellence, you have started your journey towards top!

Now let us expand the rest of the letters in ACCEPTANCE (ANCE).

A stands for Admiring – Now you have passed through the road, you must admire the person who might have made similar mistake or have similar weakness.

N stands for No Negativity – You should not now feel any negative emotions about the person who is having similar weakness or have committed similar mistake.

C stands for Compassion and Cooperate – Have compassion with the person and cooperate with him/her to come out of this using the technique used by you as mentioned above.

E stands for Enlightenment – If you can help the person to come out of his / her weakness or mistake, this attitude will lead you to the path of enlightenment.

"The Gap Between Knowlegde and Action"

2013-02-03T00:26:00.001-08:00

Have you ever wondered why, a lot of times, you just can’t seem to make progress in life despite the fact that you know so much about what it takes to succeed? There just seems to be a gap between what you know and what you actually do. I call this The Gap Between Knowledge and Action. That is the title of this message: The Gap Between Knowledge and Action.

Clarity

Or rather I should say, it is a lack of clarity that keeps us stuck in a certain pattern. By lack of clarity I mean three basic things:

- Your fears

- Feeling Powerless

- Lack of Focus

Your Fears

By far the biggest obstacle to taking action is your fears. These may be fears that you are aware of, but quite often it is fears that you may not even be consciously aware of. For example, like many people you might like to start a business and have a lot of business ideas in this regard, but maybe you find yourself unable to take the next step. Something holds you back. Until you recognise and deal with that issue you may find yourself stuck.

I know of a person that had such a problem. She had gone into business several times and nothing seemed to have worked out. During one coaching session, she discovered what was holding her back.

You see, this lady’s parents had divorced when she was very young. After the divorce, she lived with her mother who was not wealthy. Her father, on the other hand, was wealthy and would get her expensive gifts and generally provide for her materially. Well, through coaching, she discovered that she was actually sabotaging her chances of success because to her, being wealthy meant being like her Dad. She felt that by being wealthy she would be betraying her mother who was not wealthy. So although outwardly and logically she was in business to make money, inwardly, she was afraid to make money, because she felt it would make her like her like the person she did not want to be-her father.

It is important to be clear on what your fears are. They are by far the biggest obstacle that you have to deal with in order to move ahead and succeed. The example I have given also illustrates that knowing the origins of our fears is very important in dealing with them.

You may know what your fears are, but may not be clear on the reason you feel that way. The answer usually lies in the origin of the fear. Coaching and counselling can help you dig deeper and understand yourself better with respect to your fears.

Feeling Powerless

The second obstacle is Powerlessness. Powerlessness occurs when you are living in a state of low power. In this state you will find that you generally feel less energetic, blame yourself or others, are judgmental of self and others and at times even angry.

The best way I would describe this state is the feeling of having a weight on your shoulder, or a feeling of heaviness in your chest or heart, particularly when you think about your future and your plans. It can be such a drag and every step can take so much effort.

Part of the answer to dropping this weight lies in learning to let go of the negative things in your life. Once you do, you are able to move ahead to a state of higher power. When you are in a state of higher power you let go of blame, judgment, anger and negativity. You drop that weight from off your shoulders or loose those bands that are constricting your heart and mind.

Then you begin to feel refreshed and light. It becomes easier to move ahead without the clutter of negativity. In a state of higher power wisdom and intuition are more accessible to you. The process of letting go of such judgments, blame and negativity need not be a lengthy or difficult one. It just needs to be focused and deliberate. Again, coaching can be very useful in this area. There are even some self coaching tools, such as the Brain Walk, that can help you in this regard. Using the Brain Walk once a day for five to ten minutes, for example, you can energise yourself and get yourself in a state of higher power easily.Another thing that can help you to get to a state of higher power is your spirituality. We often neglect prayer and reading God’s Word, but they are the easiest and cheapest means of getting rid of negativity, blame and judgment of self and others. Meditate on God’s word and pray earnestly. The Bible says the “effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.” It will avail you the power you need and give you the courage to move forward without fear and heaviness.

Lack of Focus

Once you have recognised and let go of your fears and are in a state of higher power, you need to add Focus in order to move from knowledge to action. By focus, I mean your vision in life. What is it that you want to do with your life?

Part of the reason that knowledge you have is not being put to use may be that there is nothing for you to focus it on. There is nothing pulling you in a certain direction. So today if I tell you about investing in real estate you will be really excited about it, and tomorrow if I tell you about multilevel marketing you will be really excited about that too. The result is that you be pulled in many directions and end up remaining stationary despite your unfocused efforts.

Acting consistently and towards the right purpose is important. Work out your vision. Work out your purpose. Be clear on what you want in life.

Once you do it becomes easy to say no to things that will not add value to you. It becomes easier to say no to distractions and you will then know what knowledge you need to acquire and concentrate on in order to reach your destination.

I hope you have enjoyed reading these inspirational speeeches as much as I enjoyed writing and giving them.

One of the keys to giving good inspirational speeches is to rehearse the speech very well in advance until you are absolutley comfortable with it, which I always do a coupkle of times.

If you want more inspirational speeches take a look at this one as well. Have you written or given any inspirational speeches yourself? Why not share them? You can send in your inspirational speeches using the form on

BEING DIFFERENT

2013-01-28T06:16:00.000-08:00

WHAT DOES BEING DIFFERENT MEAN?

Being different means:- Not being afraid to challenge the norm.- Being willing to take a chance.- Asking why.- Making your own track, not just following the well trodden path.- Charting your own course and destiny.- Being the person that you were meant to be.

I believe that everyone is born unique. But through the years we work very hard to be like everyone else. We conform to society’s so-called “common-sense.” Unfortunately it is just that – “common sense.” That does not mean its “good sense.”

THE FOLLY OF EDUCATION.

If I were to take just the people in this room, it is likely that most of you have spent anything from 15 to 20 years getting an education so you can get the jobs you have. Doesn’t it strike you as irresponsible that one can spend so much time getting an education and yet so many people don’t make any deliberate effort to develop their greatest asset – themselves!

Most people think once they have a qualification that’s it. They have arrived. Is it any wonder they don’t grow? They are stagnant. Stuck at 18!

Most of us won’t even read unless there’s an exam in sight. But you know what? Everyday of your life is an exam. Everyday you either pass or fail the test of life. Everyday is an opportunity to grow beyond your present barriers and circumstances. Everyday is a chance to become a better person.

The saddest part is most of people don’t realize this. If they had to be graded at the end of their lives you know what they’d get? D, D and more D’s. And yet they thought they were doing very well. They let society’s “common sense” grade them.

MY ADVICE?

If I can leave you with one piece of advice it would be this: READ

Society celebrates mediocrity so much that it does not take much to set yourself above the rest. Doing that one thing regularly will put you way above the rest. Read books that challenge you and that make you think.

I have decided to read at least one book every month. I’m already amazed at the results.

MY FINAL WORDS

In closing I’d like to say to those of you that are skeptics out there, those of you that are saying “oh, he is just drink with the omnipotence of youth. He’ll get over it, and then he’ll be just like everyone else.”

My words to you are:

“I ain’t going out like that. I know that I have an abundance of potential within me and I will bring it out to fruition. Why?”

“Because…I’M DIFFERENT!”

NOTHING JUST HAPPENS

2013-01-22T21:16:00.003-08:00

Nothing Just Happens - Introduction

Creflo Dollar always says "nothing just happens!" Everything happens because something caused it to happen. The law of cause and effect not only applies to success, but equally applies to failure.

Most of you would agree that such statements make sense when it comes to prosperity and success. But would you agree that cause and effect apply to poverty and failure as well?

What I mean is that it is generally accepted that if you are rich then you must have worked very hard to get rich. You must have done something special or extraordinary in order to acquire your wealth.

However, if you are a failure it is generally thought that you did not do anything, but simply happened to find yourself in that situation. Failure seems to be accepted as default circumstances in people’s lives.

But I dare say that the person that is a failure also did something extraordinary or special to be in that situation. They worked very hard at becoming and remaining failures. It takes effort to be successful. You have to dream of success, see yourself a success, plan, work on your plans every day, overcome obstacles, keep yourself motivated in the face of temporary defeat and not fold your hands to opportunities.

Similarly, it takes effort to be and remain a failure. You have to dream of failure, see yourself a failure, not plan, avoid working on anything worthwhile everyday, give in to temporary defeat and fold your hands to opportunities.

Nothing just happens - successful at failure

So people that are deemed as failures are very successful people. The problem is they are successful at the wrong things. They may be successful at being lazy, complacent, unimaginative, defeated and not taking charge of their lives.

Nothing just happens. Success has to be worked at. Equally, failure has to be worked at. I would propose that it takes just as much effort to succeed as to fail. What determines whether you succeed or fail is where that effort is directed or applied.

Everyone in Zambia is successful. The question is: “at what?” If you are a failure, then you are a poor success or a success at being a failure. So if you are not doing something to be a good success, you are doing something to be a bad success. There is no middle ground. You cannot be doing nothing about anything. You are either working very hard to succeed or you are working very hard to fail.

Nothing just happens - defining success

One definition of success is “the achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted.” I remember writing a poem on success some years back: “Success is achieving what one sets out to do; It is seeing your plans through; So if you set out to be poor and have not a dime on you, congratulations to you: Success is truly yours.” If you set out to be poor and then become rich you are a failure because you have not achieved your desired aim. So what are you setting out to do? What is your desire? What have you planned for? Riches or poverty? Sickness or health? Happiness or despair?

You see, success cannot be looked at in isolation. It can only be properly understood in the context of the desired outcome. What you desire or plan for ultimately determines whether you are successful or not. It therefore becomes unimportant how society in general defines success.

Nothing just happens - society's standards

Society may say success is having a big house, driving a big car and having a big job. That is not necessarily true. You can have all these things, but if it’s not what you desired or planned for, you will still be unsuccessful.

Before I go any further let me say that I am not by any means trying to put down those that are not financially well-off and those that are suffering for one reason or another. Sometimes people find themselves in bad situations that were not their own creation at all.

My message is not that these and others like them are totally to blame for the situations they find themselves in. My message is that even in these desperate circumstances one thing remains true: we have the power to make a difference in our own lives. We have the capacity, one way or another, to change our own lives. Therefore, we have the option of staying in a situation or escaping it.

Nothing just happens - nothing is hopeless

I truly believe that no situation is ever hopeless. Anything can be turned around as long as you have breath in you. It may be a cliché, but “where there is a will, there is a way.” Yes, you may need a helping hand, but ultimately only you can make a lasting difference in your own life. Treating people like they cannot help themselves leads them to do just that. They become disempowered, hopeless and dependent. Over the past few weeks you have seen that it is important to have a dream and to pursue it with everything you have. Now you know that the size of your dream is up to you because the sky has never been the limit and you have all the potential to have anything and be anything you want.

Furthermore, you know that you have the full responsibility for your own life and should be in the driver’s seat, because it is your thinking and your talk that ultimately determine your destiny.

Nothing just happens - conclusion

Having known all these things, what do you desire? What are you working towards? What are you planning for? As the saying goes, “failing to plan is planning for failure.”

Do not be a hearer only. Be a doer. Reading these articles every week won’t help you achieve your dreams. Action is what will bring your dreams to reality. Nothing just happens. You have to make it happen.

You are all you can be. Go on and be it!

Dealing with problem

2013-01-12T04:53:00.007-08:00

Dealing with problems – introduction

You can be hindered from making progress if you ignore your problems. Could you be letting little challenges grow into huge obstacles by not dealing with them?

When faced with unpleasant situations it is tempting to ignore them and not deal with them. The path of least resistance is an attractive one and the effort required to deal with the problem sometimes seems too immense. At times it’s not so much that the problem is big but that it requires us to admit something about ourselves or others that we just don’t want to face. The trouble is “You won't find a solution by saying there is no problem.”

Dealing with problems – the dangers of not handling your problems

The longer you take to deal with your problems the bigger they will grow and the harder it will be to sort them out. They are like weeds that grow in a beautiful garden. If not recognized and uprooted early enough they will dominate the garden and choke the beautiful flowers in the garden. In fact you will forget there was ever a lovely garden there to begin with.

Secondly, when ignored, problems may become accepted as the norm. I remember working at a hospital where there are often shortages of medical supplies. As medical staff there we got so used to improvising that even when some supplies were in stock we did not think of using them. For instance, we improvised arm slings for shoulder dislocations and broken limbs by using bandages and empty fluid bags. One nurse actually had to remind me that the pharmacy had plenty of arm slings so I should not be wasting people’s money by telling them to buy bandages instead. My mind had become accustomed to the abnormal to such an extent that it became normal and I absolutely did not think there was any other way to get the job done.

There are many abnormal situations and circumstances in our lives that we have become used to and comfortable with to the extent that we do not see the need for change. It is possible for you to become used to poverty and lack. It is even possible to get used to mediocrity and failure. Ignore the problem long enough and it may no longer become a problem to you. The trouble is you will not be living the kind of life you should be living. “Making do” is not always a good thing.

Lastly, a problem that is not dealt with can lead to other problems. Unfortunately, problems are very social creatures and they will eagerly invite other problems into your life if you harbour them for too long. By not controlling one you may be opening the door to many others. It’s the domino effect: one action or lack of it in this case, can lead to many different consequences.

Dealing with problems – change your thinking

So how do you deal with problems? The first and best way is to change the way you think about problems. . “The way you see the problem is the problem.” I like to think of such things as “challenges” rather than problems because “Problem” is a dead-end word. It leaves no room for solutions. When you regard something as a challenge instead, it leaves your mind free to think about how to respond to it. If you see it as a temporary obstacle you are more likely to feel empowered and able to deal with it.

Dealing with problems – focus on the desired outcome

A second way to deal with a problem is to focus on the solution instead. Focusing on the problem too much may actually make it more impossible to solve. This can make the problem so big in your mind that it obscures or overshadows any possible solution. Try instead to think about what life would be like if the problem were solved. This brings your creativity into play and your mind will soon find ways to solve the problem.

According to Albert Einstein “You can't solve a problem with the same kind of thinking that created it.” A third way to deal with problems, then, is to alter your viewpoint. One way of doing this is to distance yourself emotionally from the problem. Try looking at the problem as an impartial observer and not as someone actively involved in it. This technique will not only make the problem seem less daunting, but will also help you to find possible solutions. When you are emotionally involved in something it clouds your judgment and dulls your creativity.

Dealing with problems – have a sense of humour

Finally, “laugh at your problems; everybody else does.” It is important to realise that any problem, no matter how big it may seem at the time, has a solution and is usually not the end of our lives as we may often feel. As long as you are breathing no problem is beyond solving. There is always hope to those that will look for it. Take life in your stride. Do not get bogged down by it and don’t ever forget to enjoy it. A free and fun mindset alone will go a long way in helping you to deal with your problems.

Dealing with problems – the conclusion

Look ahead with confidence. Stay focused on what you want and not what’s in your way. “Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.”

You are all you can be. Go on and be it.

Overcoming negativity

2013-01-03T08:50:00.003-08:00

Overcoming negativity

Are you discouraged whenever you come across a little opposition and resistance? Do you fail to achieve your dreams because you always expect and want it to be easy to do so?

Whatever you want to achieve in life, it is very likely that you will run into some resistance. This resistance may come in various forms and at times from unexpected or unusual places.

Overcoming negativity – the laws of nature

It is a natural thing in nature that for every action there is an opposing and equal reaction. If you want to move, you must overcome friction and gravity. This may not seem to be a good state of affairs, until you realise that it is actually the opposition of gravity and friction that strengthens you. In order for you to walk and jump, your muscles have to develop the strength to overcome gravity and friction.

The experience of astronauts shows that when they go to outer space where there is less gravity and friction, their muscles and bones actually become weaker, to an extent where some fail to walk for some time on their return to earth. Without the opposition of gravity and friction their bones and muscles deteriorate.

Overcoming negativity – personal challenges

Just a few days ago, I came across some resistance myself. I got an anonymous message posted from the comment page on my website. Usually these messages are from people that have found my articles and website interesting and helpful and they encourage me greatly to keep writing and telling people that they can achieve their dreams. However, this message was different. The unknown person accused me of stealing their work word for word in my articles.

I was shocked, to say the least. More surprising was the fact that he went on to threaten to “notify the Post and even take a large ad in the Times and Daily to expose” me. I read the message again just to be sure I was reading it correctly. I was.

What I felt at the time was a little disappointment and then amusement. This soon turned to utter disbelief when a few minutes later the anonymous writer sent an email declaring his identity and formally accusing me that “most of the articles that you have written for the Post contain my original work and writing.” It was from someone I truly respect and admire, and someone I aspired to work very closely with in future in order to make a positive difference to the lives of many people in this country.

Overcoming negativity – the resolve to overcome

However, my disappointment, disbelief and amusement soon turned into a burning resolve not only to continue doing what I am doing, but to do it even better. In addition to that I was inspired to do a lot more than I am currently. That resistance and opposition is perhaps the very thing I needed to strengthen myself and develop myself further. I refuse to wallow in fear and let anything like that hinder me. This will not be the stone that will crush me, but the stepping stone to greater things!

I subscribe to Stephen R. Covey’s philosophy that “Opposition is a natural part of life. Just as we develop our physical muscles through overcoming opposition - such as lifting weights - we develop our character muscles by overcoming challenges and adversity.”

Overcoming negativity – welcome challenges

So, if you are not being challenged in any way, you cannot grow. If you do not have anything to push against, you cannot make any progress. This is a revealing but true concept. If you are absolutely satisfied with your life the truth remains that you will not try to change it in any way. Any positive change must come as a result of some negative influence that forces you to change.

This negative influence can take many forms - from dissatisfaction with your work to disappointment from your girlfriend or boyfriend. There are many geniuses out there who found their passion and did amazing things after some tragic event in their lives or after being disappointed in one way or another.

Overcoming negativity – be prepared for it

As a dreamer, you must always be prepared for opposition. In particular, you must be prepared for the nay-sayers and the haters. These are the people that would love to see you fail and they know that you will fail in trying to live the life that you deserve. At times it may be people you truly trust to help you along on your journey. Instead they try to stop you and discourage you. Spouses, relatives and close friends are some examples. My anonymous e-mailer is another.

This is a facet of human nature that is hard to understand. Why would anyone want to stop someone else from being all that they can be? The answer is simple. That would expose their own failures and shortcomings. It is not that they don’t believe in you – they just don’t have enough belief in themselves. They would judge you based on their own abilities. But rather than get discouraged and defeated you can use their unbelief to spur you on. I have found that there is nothing that can encourage you to take action more than having someone show doubt in what you can do.

Overcoming negativity – looking forward

One of my favourite motivational speakers, Jim Rohn, tells a story of how his former boss did not believe in his abilities and thought he was a failure. When Jim became wealthy from his speaking business he took a briefcase full of dollar bills, got into his former boss’s office, opened the briefcase, poured all the dollar bills on the desk in front of where the guy was seated and exclaimed just two words before walking out – “count it!”

As Lee Iacocca said: “In times of great stress or adversity it's always best to keep busy, to plow your anger and your energy into something positive.” What Jim Rohn did is a good example of that principle at work. I would urge you right now to write a list of things people in the past have said you can’t do. I would urge you also to plan your victory celebration – what are you going to do once you get there? What are you going to do to help elevate those who will be in the position you may be in now?

Overcoming negativity – conclusion

The Bible says in Genesis as Joseph addressed his brothers: “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good…” Turn the negativity into a positive. Overcome the opposition and prove them wrong.

You are all you can be. Go on and be it.

10 Ways to Break Your Own Heart

2012-12-30T09:20:00.000-08:00

The worst kind of heartache is the kind you inflict on yourself.

If you don’t want to break your own heart, then don’t…

1. Let people invalidate or minimize how you feel. – If you feel something, you feel it and it’s real to you. Nothing anyone says has the power to invalidate that, ever. No one else lives in your body, or sees life through your eyes. No one else has lived through your exact experiences. And so, no one else has the right to dictate or judge how you feel. Your feelings are important. Don’t let anyone lead you to believe otherwise.

2. Regret every mistake you’ve ever made. – If you regret some of the decisions you’ve made in the past, stop being so hard on yourself. At that time, you did your best with the knowledge you had. At that time, you did your best with the experience you had. Your decisions were made with a younger mind. If you were to make these decisions with the wisdom you have now, you would choose differently. So give yourself a break. Time and experience has a wonderful way of helping us prosper, grow and learn to make better choices today, for ourselves and those we care for.

3. Take your loved ones for granted. – Someday, for one reason or another, there will be someone you miss dearly. Missing this person will have nothing to do with how long it’s been since you’ve seen them, or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It will be about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish they were right there with you. So be sure to appreciate every moment you get to spend with the people who matter to you.

4. Let your ego get the best of you. – Sometimes we choose to be wrong, not because we really are wrong, but because we value our relationship more than our pride. When two people who care about each other fight, both are wrong. They have put some kind of superficial outcome over love and compromise. The one who apologizes and makes up first, is the one who is right.

5. Get involved in every petty argument that comes your way. – Being strong doesn’t mean you have to stay and fight all the battles and petty arguments that come your way. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to respond to rude remarks. Don’t retort by throwing insults back at them. Don’t bring yourself down to their level. That’s what they want. Keep your dignity. True strength is being smart enough to walk away from all the nonsense with your head held high.

6. Join the negativity committee. – No matter how much negativity is thrown at you by others, there is absolutely no need for you to stay put and participate in the self-destruction they choose for their own lives. You decide how your soul grows. The extent of your happiness depends on the quality of your thoughts. So be positive. Some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet.

7. Rush love. – A good relationship is when two people accept each other’s past, support each other’s present, and love each other enough to encourage each other’s future. So don’t rush love. Find a partner who encourages you to grow, who won’t cling to you, who will let you go out into the world, and trust that you will come back. This is what true love is all about, and it’s always worth the wait.

8. Hold on to those who don’t want to stay. – It’s really painful to say goodbye to someone that you don’t want to let go of, but it’s even more painful to hold on to them if they never wanted to stay in the first place. If someone doesn’t show you the same love that you show them, and acts as if you are unimportant most of the time, this may be a big clue as to the fact that you don’t need them in your life either. The only people you truly need in your life are those who respect you and want you to be in theirs.

9. Ignore every bit of constructive criticism you receive. – The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. A true friend will always speak the truth, even if it hurts. So don’t assume that every critic in your life is a hater. Not everyone is hating on you. Some people truly care about you, and are simply telling you the truth that you have been subconsciously denying.

10. Give up on yourself. – Maneuvering through difficult times is a lot like driving through dense fog. You can’t always see where you’re going, you feel a little lost, you want to turn back, and every mile feels like forever. Yet, scared or fatigued as you might be, there’s nothing you can do but breathe, focus on the road ahead, keep moving forward, and trust that a force with keener vision than yours is out there functioning as your guide.

Growing self trust

2012-12-30T08:47:00.002-08:00

To grow a strong self-trust branch that can stand up to other people's opinions and society's judgments, that can release you from making choices based on obligations and should and that can overpower the forces of shame and fear when they arise, you need to have experiences over time that show you that when you trust yourself, good things happen. You need to be able to see that when you choose to trust your inner knowing, inner voice, inner feeling, or image or dream that your Inner Wisdom shows you, not only do good things happen, but also the best circumstances occur.

As you experience success with small things, you will start to trust yourself with big things too. The small things may include instances like making a different choice about which shoes to wear because, as you are standing in your closet, a pair of shoes seems to jump out at you. Or like choosing not to go to dinner with a friend because you feel a tightness in your stomach that, when you ask yourself about it, seems to be telling you that you won't have a good time or that you need to rest. And the big things could be very big - like changing jobs, quitting a job, moving to a new city without first finding a job there, ending a relationship, moving to a new country to deepen a relationship, having a baby, not having a baby, getting married, buying a house, and on and on. Life is full of big things, and the times when they occur are the times you really need to cut through the external and internal chatter to get to the wisdom you can trust.

Building self-trust happens in stages and over time, so make sure that you strengthen your self-trust daily. Just as you wouldn't start training for a marathon or a weight-lifting contest the day of the event (your muscles wouldn't be able to support the task), you also don't want to wait until the big stuff happens in your life before you strengthen your trust "muscles." Most of us do wait, however. When our self-trust is weak, and the hard, big or unexpected life stuff happens, we don't follow our hearts and act in our own best interests, but instead succumb to fear, shame, societal pressure, confusion, and obligation. We fail to follow our own guidance when we need it the most.

But today marks a shift. Today you begin a lifetime commitment to strengthening your self-trust and therefore your ability to trust yourself and your Inner Wisdom no matter what. The more you practice trusting your Inner Wisdom on the small stuff, the more you will trust yourself and act in your own best interests in all matters in your life.

What follows are the four trust muscles you want to exercise consistently and often. When you go to the gym to build strong, toned arms, you don't focus only on your biceps. Similarly, strengthening your self-trust requires strong mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical "muscles." Use the following muscle-building exercises - which I invite you to begin performing without delay - along with the Daring Acts of Love and special trust-building resources to grow your self-trust branch super-strong.

30 Things to Start Doing for Yourself

2012-12-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

Today, for it is the beginning.

Today marks the start of a brave new future.

1.Start spending time with the right people.

These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally.

2.Start facing your problems head on.

It isn’t your problems that define you, but how you react to them and recover from them. Problems will not disappear unless you take action. Do what you can, when you can, and acknowledge what you’ve done. It’s all about taking baby steps in the right direction, inch by inch. These inches count, they add up to yards and miles in the long run.

3.Start being honest with yourself about everything.

Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed. Be honest about what you want to achieve and who you want to become. Be honest with every aspect of your life, always. Because you are the one person you can forever count on. Search your soul, for the truth, so that you truly know who you are. Once you do, you’ll have a better understanding of where you are now and how you got here, and you’ll be better equipped to identify where you want to go and how to get there.

4.Start making your own happiness a priority.

Your needs matter. If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself, and stick up for yourself, you’re sabotaging yourself. Remember, it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. And once your needs are met, you will likely be far more capable of helping those who need you most.

5.Start being yourself, genuinely and proudly.

Trying to be anyone else is a waste of the person you are. Be yourself. Embrace that individual inside you that has ideas, strengths and beauty like no one else. Be the person you know yourself to be – the best version of you – on your terms. Above all, be true to YOU, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.

6.Start noticing and living in the present.

Right now is a miracle. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. So stop thinking about how great things will be in the future. Stop dwelling on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the ‘here and now’ and experience life as it’s happening. Appreciate the world for the beauty that it holds, right now.

7.Start valuing the lessons your mistakes teach you.

Mistakes are okay; they’re the stepping stones of progress. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not trying hard enough and you’re not learning. Take risks, stumble, fall, and then get up and try again. Appreciate that you are pushing yourself, learning, growing and improving. Significant achievements are almost invariably realized at the end of a long road of failures. One of the ‘mistakes’ you fear might just be the link to your greatest achievement yet.

8.Start being more polite to yourself.

If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend? The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others. You must love who you are or no one else will.

9.Start enjoying the things you already have.

The problem with many of us is that we think we’ll be happy when we reach a certain level in life – a level we see others operating at – your boss with her corner office, that friend of a friend who owns a mansion on the beach, etc. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there you’ll likely have a new destination in mind. You’ll end up spending your whole life working toward something new without ever stopping to enjoy the things you have now. So take a quiet moment every morning when you first awake to appreciate where you are and what you already have.

10.Start creating your own happiness.

If you are waiting for someone else to make you happy, you’re missing out. Smile because you can. Choose happiness. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be happy with who you are now, and let your positivity inspire your journey into tomorrow. Happiness is often found when and where you decide to seek it. If you look for happiness within the opportunities you have, you will eventually find it. But if you constantly look for something else, unfortunately, you’ll find that too.

11.Start giving your ideas and dreams a chance.

In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something.

12.Start believing that you’re ready for the next step.

You are ready! Think about it. You have everything you need right now to take the next small, realistic step forward. So embrace the opportunities that come your way, and accept the challenges – they’re gifts that will help you to grow.

13.Start entering new relationships for the right reasons.

Enter new relationships with dependable, honest people who reflect the person you are and the person you want to be. Choose friends you are proud to know, people you admire, who show you love and respect – people who reciprocate your kindness and commitment. And pay attention to what people do, because a person’s actions are much more important than their words or how others represent them.

14.Start giving new people you meet a chance.

It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.

15.Start competing against an earlier version of yourself.

Be inspired by others, appreciate others, learn from others, but know that competing against them is a waste of time. You are in competition with one person and one person only – yourself. You are competing to be the best you can be. Aim to break your own personal records.

16.Start cheering for other people’s victories.

Start noticing what you like about others and tell them. Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places. So be happy for those who are making progress. Cheer for their victories. Be thankful for their blessings, openly. What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you.

17.Start looking for the silver lining in tough situations.

When things are hard, and you feel down, take a few deep breaths and look for the silver lining – the small glimmers of hope. Remind yourself that you can and will grow stronger from these hard times. And remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

18.Start forgiving yourself and others.

We’ve all been hurt by our own decisions and by others. And while the pain of these experiences is normal, sometimes it lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over and have a hard time letting go. Forgiveness is the remedy. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment and pain, and instead choosing to learn from the incident and move on with your life.

19.Start helping those around you.

Care about people. Guide them if you know a better way. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.

20.Start listening to your own inner voice.

If it helps, discuss your ideas with those closest to you, but give yourself enough room to follow your own intuition. Be true to yourself. Say what you need to say. Do what you know in your heart is right.

21.Start being attentive to your stress level and take short breaks.

Slow down. Breathe. Give yourself permission to pause, regroup and move forward with clarity and purpose. When you’re at your busiest, a brief recess can rejuvenate your mind and increase your productivity. These short breaks will help you regain your sanity and reflect on your recent actions so you can be sure they’re in line with your goals.

22.Start noticing the beauty of small moments.

Instead of waiting for the big things to happen – marriage, kids, big promotion, winning the lottery – find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning, or the delicious taste and smell of a homemade meal, or the pleasure of sharing something you enjoy with someone else, or holding hands with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures on a daily basis makes a big difference in the quality of your life.

23.Start accepting things when they are less than perfect.

Remember, ‘perfect’ is the enemy of ‘good.’ One of the biggest challenges for people who want to improve themselves and improve the world is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to accept and appreciate the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to trying to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. No, you shouldn’t accept a life of mediocrity, but learn to love and value things when they are less than perfect.

24.Start working toward your goals every single day.

Remember, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Whatever it is you dream about, start taking small, logical steps every day to make it happen. Get out there and DO something! The harder you work the luckier you will become. While many of us decide at some point during the course of our lives that we want to answer our calling, only an astute few of us actually work on it. By ‘working on it,’ I mean consistently devoting oneself to the end result.

25.Start being more open about how you feel.

If you’re hurting, give yourself the necessary space and time to hurt, but be open about it. Talk to those closest to you. Tell them the truth about how you feel. Let them listen. The simple act of getting things off your chest and into the open is your first step toward feeling good again.

26.Start taking full accountability for your own life.

Own your choices and mistakes, and be willing to take the necessary steps to improve upon them. Either you take accountability for your life or someone else will. And when they do, you’ll become a slave to their ideas and dreams instead of a pioneer of your own. You are the only one who can directly control the outcome of your life. And no, it won’t always be easy. Every person has a stack of obstacles in front of them. But you must take accountability for your situation and overcome these obstacles. Choosing not to is choosing a lifetime of mere existence.

27.Start actively nurturing your most important relationships.

Bring real, honest joy into your life and the lives of those you love by simply telling them how much they mean to you on a regular basis. You can’t be everything to everyone, but you can be everything to a few people. Decide who these people are in your life and treat them like royalty. Remember, you don’t need a certain number of friends, just a number of friends you can be certain of.

28. Start concentrating on the things you can control.

You can’t change everything, but you can always change something. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control, and act on them now.

29. Start focusing on the possibility of positive outcomes.

The mind must believe it CAN do something before it is capable of actually doing it. The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful. Listen to your self-talk and replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Regardless of how a situation seems, focus on what you DO WANT to happen, and then take the next positive step forward. No, you can’t control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react to things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects – whether or not you’re happy and successful in the long run depends greatly on which aspects you focus on.

30. Start noticing how wealthy you are right now.

Henry David Thoreau once said, “Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night. You didn’t go to sleep outside. You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning. You hardly broke a sweat today. You didn’t spend a minute in fear. You have access to clean drinking water. You have access to medical care. You have access to the Internet. You can read. Some might say you are incredibly wealthy, so remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.

9 Things Every Inspired Person (That’s YOU) Should Know

2012-12-20T05:06:00.003-08:00

Here’s a list of nine principles I’ve learned the hard way that every inspired person, regardless of their specific aspirations, should know and follow on a daily basis.

1.Life’s biggest limitations are the ones you make in your mind.
Life’s biggest causes of unhappiness are the false beliefs you refuse to let go of. You are capable of far more than you are presently thinking, imagining, doing or being. But you will ultimately become what you habitually contemplate; so clear your mind and let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future.

2.You must deal with the world the way it is, not the way you wish it was.
Think positive. Life is good. Too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting pure gold. Positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best to always happen, but accepting that whatever happens is the best for the moment. So keep smiling and keep following your heart. Someday, life will get tired of upsetting you.

3.What others do is out of your control.
Realize that you can’t always count on others to respect your feelings, even if you respect theirs. Being a good person doesn’t guarantee that others will be good people too. You only have control over yourself – over how you choose to be as an individual. And as for others, you can only accept them, or walk away.

4.You were not meant to sit at the edge of your comfort zone.
Not trying for fear of falling. Not loving for fear of losing love. Not speaking your truth for fear of what others will think. Not looking at yourself in the mirror for fear of what you might see. Try, and then try again with all your might. Your courage will unfold as your resolve takes hold. And with each effort you make you will earn a little more confidence which you can use to acquire what no one else can give you: Your self-respect, and the life you were meant to live.

5.You are not like anyone else.
Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are. In a world of comparison and conformity, take a stand. Make your own statement. Honor your own truth. Risk speaking your own thoughts and sharing your own ideas. Express your fears, tears, doubts, and insecurities – let others experience the real you. Have the courage to be yourself and realize that you’re perfect just the way you are.

6.True love is one-way traffic.
It’s a pure flow of giving and expecting nothing in return. Anything else is a contract. Notice how whenever you allow love to flow you are always clear, calm and strong. It is only when the thought arises, “What have they given me in return?” that there is confusion and resentment. Ego transacts, love transforms. Life is too short for all these meticulous contracts and transactions. Remain clear, remain bright, and remain strong. Love without expectation.

7.You cannot live your life at the mercy of chance.
You cannot stumble along with a map marked only with the places you fear, or the places you know you don’t want to revisit. You cannot remain trapped, endlessly, in a state where you are unable to ask for directions, even though you’re terribly lost, because you don’t know your destination. You have to stand up, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “It isn’t good enough for me to know only what I DON’T want in life. I need to decide what I DO want.”

8.Being genuine is more important than being right.
You may say or do all the right things, but if it doesn’t come from the heart, it means nothing. You may not always know the right things to say or do, but if your intent is genuine, then it means the world. When you work from a foundation of truth, you are free to make as many choices, free to make as many mistakes, free to take as much time as necessary to get it right.

9.Your future depends on what you do right now.
Challenge yourself to be who you know you are capable of being. Challenge yourself to follow through – to live what you preach, to walk your talk. Don’t worry about how slowly you feel you’re heading toward your goals, or how many roadblocks you find, or how many detours you’re forced to take. As long as you keep doing your thing, you’re still cruising far ahead of everyone who’s too scared to even try.

How to Earn Respect from Others

2012-12-20T02:59:00.000-08:00

...because if you don't, no one will. Your money, your cars, your post or your other fancy possessions will only take you so far. They don’t guarantee respect. Respect has to be worked for, like a salary you get at the end of every month. Unlike a few things, respect cannot be forced. It has to be earned over a period of time. We all respect Narayan Murthy for a reason; or even Ratan Tata for that matter. It’s not because of their riches, but because they have built a respectable brand from ground up; are humble, are philanthropists, practice clean business, are knowledgeable and so much more. There are a few things you can do to earn the respect of others, but these things or tips have to be followed over a period of time in order for them to work to you. Open your ears Listen to what people want to say. Don’t jump in and interrupt. Don’t act too eager to tell your story first. Learn to listen well. When you do that, people feel respected, and when they feel respected, they, in turn, start respecting you. Be damn good at your game In order to be respected, you need to be bloody good at whatever you do. Look at Mary Kom, Vijay Narang, Sushil Kumar, Saina Nehwal: all of them were victorious at the Olympics 2012. And what did that do for them? It got them instant respect of the country. Everyone loves a champion. Remember the girl who was the teacher’s pet in school? There was a reason for that. She was excellent in sports and studies. Was on top in whatever she did. And it isn’t easy. You ought to have some inherent talent and a burning desire to succeed. And if you’re good, confidence will automatically come. And if you appear confident, people will inevitably start respecting you. Shut that trap Most people get into trouble because they open their mouths when it is not needed. Don’t go on yapping without a reason. Speak only when it is absolutely necessary. No, don’t worry, no one will think of you as an idiot. Speaking when needed doesn’t mean you go into a shell and zone out of the conversation. It means contributing when you have something meaningful to say. I am sure we have all met people who lay out their entire history in front of you in the five minutes they get to talk: from where they were born to what they like to eat; from that fact that he has six toes to his reasons for not trimming his nose hair. Who needs to know all that? Keep a little mystery about you, reveal only what is pertinent. Cut the phony act When someone starts talking about a movie or a music band, don’t start nodding your head as if you know everything about it. Because when they turn around and ask you what you thought of the climax; or your favorite number from their tenth album, you will look like the biggest fool alive. It’s better to admit that you don’t know something, than lying about it and coming across as an idiot. If the others are polite, they will explain to you what they mean or what they were talking about, instead of excluding you completely. However, if you come across someone like that, be patient with them. Understand where they are coming from, their intense desire to fit in. Be understanding. You will automatically get their respect. Never go back on your word Until and unless it’s an emergency, never go back on your word. You tell someone you’d meet them at 2pm, show up at 1:59. You tell someone you would send them the presentation on such and such date, make sure you send it across by that time, no matter what. If you deliver what you say, you will, over a period of time get people’s respect and admiration. Dress the part I am sure you have observed this. If you haven’t so far, try it. Go to a retail store, say Marks and Spencers; or to an office dressed in casuals and note the reactions you get, right from the guard outside to the manager inside. Next time, go in formals, and see how they behave around you. People’s perceptions change according to the way you dress. If you dress sharply, you will notice that somehow people around you are more respectful, are more attentive. Someone who is dressed well definitely gets treated better than someone walking around in a kurta pyjama. Invest in good clothes and accessories. Along with that, be well mannered, use appropriate language and develop good social etiquettes: know how to hold a fork and a knife, or use chopsticks, or to cover your mouth while picking your teeth. Be nice to people When you meet someone be nice to them. You don’t need to please them or say yes to everything they say. Don’t laugh like a moron at their unfunny jokes. Just be courteous and polite. But being polite doesn’t mean you turn into a wimp, or don’t state your opinion or speak your mind. Stand up for you believe in, but with restraint and civility. Like the recent case of Balpreeet Kaur, a Sikh woman in the UK who learned a photo of herself was uploaded in the “funny” section on a social networking website and was being ridiculed for her facial hair and the way she was dressed. But instead of flying off into a rage, she responded to the post with grace and dignity and became an instant hero. She said, “I realize that my gender is often confused and I look different than most women. However, baptized Sikhs believe in the sacredness of this body and must keep it intact as a submission to the divine will.” If someone is introduced to you, remember their names, remember what they do. Remember things about them, maybe their kid wants to become an automobile designer. Enquire about that the next time you meet them. It shows them you care and they feel happy that you remembered stuff about them. Don’t call something yours when it isn’t What it essentially means is don’t take credit for someone else’s work. It is the biggest crime in the world. Not only will you lose your respect, you will also lose your credibility. Respect yourself Start by respecting yourself, because if you don’t know one will. Cherish your achievements and celebrate your milestones. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Treat your mind and body with respect. Don’t practice double standards Having double standards is unacceptable. If you want people to come to work on time; or act professional; or be focused on their jobs, then you should set an example yourself. Only when you follow your own rules, will people listen to you. Don’t be the first to criticize people and then turn a fiery red when people are criticizing you. Don’t be the first to crack a joke on someone, but then make a face when someone returns the favor. Don’t cite an opinion before taking every thing into consideration, and don’t talk against people for no reason. Be fair and open. So you see, you have to work to earn respect. It is never served to anyone without actually having deserved it.

First Things that Girls Notice in a Man

2012-12-11T04:15:00.001-08:00

‘First impression is the last impression’. You must have heard this adage time and again.

While you may or may not have put this fact to test, we assure you that we have, and our results suggest that it is 100% accurate. If a girl is attracted to you the first time she sees you, then chances are, you will surely get to go on a first date. So the trick here, is to get her to notice you. Here is how you can do that:

1. Clothes

You know how Rahul Khanna makes most women go weak in the knees? Well, that’s because he is not only smart, but because he is always impeccably dressed. Most men like to think that clothes are a woman’s worry. If you are a man who thinks like this, then you need to alter your thinking. There is nothing sexier than a well dressed man; one who knows what he should wear when and can carry it with style and élan. From now on, every time you step out ensure that you put a thought in what you wear. This effort won’t go unnoticed by the ladies, we guarantee that.

2. Grooming

While women find Alan funny and goofy, they most definitely would not go on a date with him as eagerly as they would go on one with Phil. If you are confused, we are talking about the 'Hangover' boys. While humour is great, sloppiness and unkempt appearance is not. You must groom yourself if you wish to get the ladies to notice you. A well kept beard, a clean shaven look, clean nails, good personal hygiene – all these add to your personality and make you attractive. So groom yourself and the girls will notice you.

3. Confidence

Confidence shows. It shows in the way you walk, the way you carry yourself, your posture, the look on your face. Very few things get a woman going like a confident man. Your confidence makes her want to talk to you and even works like an aphrodisiac. Work on building your confidence and you will never fall short on ladies you want to know better.

These are about the first things that a lady will notice in a man. It is not a concise list, but one that offers a complete roundup of all that really matters. Work on these three aspects, and you will never go unnoticed.

Things You Must Know About Live-in Relationships

2012-12-09T01:28:00.003-08:00

The concept of live-in relationships is rapidly gaining popularity among Indian urban dwellers.

Not exactly an aping of the West, this is a phenomenon that indicates the growing need for liberation, space and a modern outlook to life. However, do you think you know all there is to know about live-in relationships? Make sure you read further before you plunge into one.

A Precursor to Marriage

If you are considering a long-term relationship with your partner, consider the live-in as a glimpse of how life would be with the same person. Ask yourself constantly if you are OK with the way she dresses, keeps the house, manages the kitchen, takes care of her finances, and behaves in front of others. Do you handle the housework together, or does she do it all by herself? Do you split the finances or is there awkwardness in that area? If you can imagine life married to her, given her existing conduct, the live-in is worth it.

To Hide or Not to Hide

Yet an unacceptable social phenomenon among many, living-in with your partner may earn you many raised eyebrows, especially from your family members. However, how open you are about the relationship depends entirely on you. Hiding the fact is bound to lead to surprise encounters and telling lies very often. On the other hand, being open about it, though likely to generate criticism initially, is also going to fetch you more space to discuss the relationship, take action upon it when necessary and seek the confidence and advice of your close friends and family when you need them.

Relationships that Matter

A live-in relationship is an excellent method to judge whether or not your partner is capable of handling the other relationships in your life. Does she get along well with your parents? Is she comfortable hanging out with your friends? Does she think your siblings are fun? Similarly, it gives you the chance to discover whether her parents can be the perfect ‘in-laws’ for you or not!

Compatibility

This is probably the biggest and most important factor in a live-in relationship. While you are in a live-in relationship, you are not bound to each other legally. Therefore, you can assess whether or not you are compatible with one another during this period. Is the sex continuously good? Is the passion for each other the same as it was when you began dating? Do you still feel your heart skip a beat when you see her wake up in the morning? Does she still give you a kiss when you meet after a long day at work? These are all instances that help you decide the potential for a live-in relationship to turn into something more long-term, such as marriage.

Live-in relationships are a widely accepted occurrence in today’s cosmopolitan lifestyles. However, the partners in the relationship need to treat it as an important phase in their lives that helps them decide the course of the rest of their lives together!

5 Proven Ways to Impress a Girl

2012-12-06T06:34:00.002-08:00

As a species, females remain as mysterious as the outer realms of the Solar System

but here are some tips to help you impress a girl:

1. Be Your Natural, Confident Self

This might seem a bit passive but you have to approach impressing a girl in a manner that isn't revealing at all. Most women like the idea of being chased by men but realize that you are still an unknown entity to her and if you come on to her very strongly, she might push you back just for the sake of her safety. Further, if it is clearly visible that you are striving to impress her, she might interpret you as some sort of a player, for whom impressing girls is a regular affair. That is akin to neutralizing any sort of mystique or charm she would associate with you. Lastly, trying to be something you aren't is the biggest mistake you could commit. The aura of confidence that stems from honesty is unparalleled. Just remember one thing—you might impress her once or twice with a false projection but the truth will surface eventually and you will be short of excuses to cover yourself.

2. Be Suggestive Not Loud In Your Approach

Don’t try to be loud, as if you are screaming for attention. There might be some girls who like attention-grabbing men but overall, being able to magnetize attention towards yourself without seeming that you are trying too hard is best approach. Thus, when you are talking on the phone, be soft spoken but hold your phone is such a manner that its brand worthiness is clearly visible. Similarly, you might be driving a premium car but rather than shouting about it over the phone, let the branded keychain hang and announce itself in a subtle manner.

3. Use Your Eyes Like Tools

More than your entire demeanor, your eyes can engage a girl in a more efficient manner. Just be careful with your eye language. If she happens to look in your direction and you catch her gaze, don’t stare so hard that she feels vulnerable. If you want to look at her, don’t be brazen in your approach. Merely glance at her every now and then; making it seem as if she has caught your attention but you haven’t fallen for her yet and you are not some desperado. Try to shift your gaze to something that is more innocent than her cleavage, like her pretty feet or the anklet she is wearing. Girls often get impressed when men behave in a slightly coy manner and besides the obvious. Observing the lesser noticed parts of her is going to induce the feeling that you are slightly different from the crowd and think beyond the obvious perspective of sexuality.

4. Be Prepared to Impress a Girl

Don’t try to wear an ensemble that makes you look like a branded male mannequin on the move. Dress simple but yes impressively. Grooming includes everything from the manner in which you trim your beard or shave, frame of your spectacles, belt, shoes, watch and your posture. Yes, posture or the manner in which your carry yourself should ooze comfort which in turn gravitates towards inherent confidence. Wear clothes that you can carry with ease. Try to focus upon the simpler things like wearing trousers or jeans that aren't so tight that they make you uneasy.

5. Hold Your Own In Your Conversations

If you do get the opportunity to talk with her or around her, try not to compliment her too much or show desperation to be introduced to her. Try to keep the conversation about your opinions and things that could impress her like your hobbies or things you have passion for. Being slightly self-opinionated and passionate usually impresses women.

Anger's Gift

2012-12-05T21:32:00.003-08:00

Anger can be a difficult emotion to understand, but like everything else in the Universe, there is a grander purpose to it. Most individuals have a fear of expressing anger, and so it is forced down inside, until it reaches a point of explosion. Many times after that happens, the person will then feel guilty about being angry.

Anger alone is not a bad thing, it is simply an expression of the release of energy. That energy can come from one’s current lifetime, but most frequently it comes from the past life energy being stirred up from within. You may be wondering why it seems this energy of anger is becoming more and more noticeable now? This is due to something called the Photon Energy. The Photon Energy is an energy created by us, designed to come toward the Earth and assist humanity in letting go of negative emotions, especially anger.

Anger is rooted in pride. When you examine the many instances of someone expressing anger, it is because they feel that their vision of reality, life, or the world, is threatened. Anger is rooted in pride because it is an emotion used to defend one’s personal perspectives. The energy of anger was very apparent in the recent elections in the United States. Whether it was for a candidate or a cause, many souls expressed outrage and deep anger when the person or cause they supported did not prevail.

Anger is absolutely a natural emotion, and there is nothing wrong with expressing it, as long as it does not bring harm to oneself or others. There are many different healthy ways to express anger. Activities such as going for a walk or run, sound meditation, chopping wood and art therapy are just some of the safe methods to let anger out. However, many people are increasingly directing their energy toward other souls who may not really be the source of their anger.

When you can learn to harness the power of anger and use it to clue you in to what the real source of the energy is, it can become a huge gift. One example of understanding anger’s gift can be seen in how some people choose to direct their anger at public figures; much of the time the anger is directed at someone because they represent a shift away from what the individual expressing the anger holds to be true.

It is when someone feels that they must defend their truth, that anger arises. However, instead of using the energy of anger to defend, why not turn it into an energy to explore. Anger is a powerful tool to explore you own thoughts and feelings, to discover where they truly come from, and why you are angry at a specific outcome or turn of events.

There is no right and wrong, because there is not just one truth in the world. Learning to be okay with expressing a truth different from others, but expressing it without defensiveness, is an integral part of spiritual development. Equally important is learning to allow others to express their feelings/opinions openly and freely.

As the Photon Energy continues to come close to the Earth (reaching its peak on December 21, 2012) it will continue to bring out all of the anger, sadness, despair and other such energies from within everyone. The Photon Energy is much like a magnet in the sky, pulling all of these energies toward it. There will be many times when anger is being pulled at so forcefully that it can make you feel like you must react to something.

That is why is it important to look at anger’s gift, and to discover what hidden energy it is revealing to you. No one can ever tell you who you should be or how you should act; always go with what you feel. However, when your emotions are causing you to express something that you may regret later, it is valuable to understand what the source of your anger is.

Anger is never sourced from outside of you, it is an inner energy that every person carries. Can other people or situations trigger your anger? Absolutely. There are even times when your guides or others in Spirit will tell you something specifically to assist you in releasing your anger. Yes, that even means telling you something that you may disagree with. If it is in your best and highest good to release your anger, then a situation will take place to force it to come to the surface.

The process of raising one’s vibration, what many call Ascension, is all about letting go of the energies which you no longer need to take with you into the New Earth energy. One of these energies is anger, and that is why so many individuals are expressing/releasing it now. Anger must come out before one can move forward. Have no fear of expressing your anger, but do be aware of how you are expressing it.

Once you are able to release your anger, you will find a profound freedom on the other side of it. A freedom where you are not worried about how others may perceive of you, or how outside circumstances will affect your life. It is a freedom where you are not bound by your emotions, especially the pride that can keep you feeling like you need to defend your vision of yourself. Anger’s gifts are that it allows you to see what you have been hiding from yourself, and it gives you the opportunity to examine those hidden energies so that they can be released.

When you feel anger coming on, ask yourself: What is making me angry? Why do I feel angry toward this person or thing? Am I defending myself from something that is truly dangerous, or is this simply something in opposition to my view of life? Why do I feel angry about this situation? What is my anger showing me that I am still carrying around? Discovering these answers is discovering anger’s gifts.

How to Keep Your Girlfriend Happy

2012-12-03T08:46:00.001-08:00

Most experts say that becoming the number one team in the world of cricket isn't as challenging as retaining the numero uno slot.

Similarly, more than getting a girlfriend, keeping a girlfriend happy is more challenging. It requires some degree of tact, planning and a bit of enthusiasm. Here, are a few tips to help you keeping your girlfriend happier:

Be Involved In Her Friends & Encourage Reciprocal Behavior

This doesn’t mean that you start interfering with her circle of friends but you should be comfortable going out with them. Don’t hesitate to take out two or three of her friends the next time you plan a shopping trip. Don’t say “No” to attending parties of her friends. Similarly, encourage her to meet your friends. This will underline that you are proud of your girlfriend, don’t feel let down by her and are ready to accept every aspect of her social or personal life.

Don’t Let Her Catch Your Flirting

If you really want to keep your girlfriend happy, ensure that you are never caught gazing or even complimenting other women. Doing so is a sure recipe for disaster no matter how accommodating your girlfriend might be. Ensure that your mailbox and mobile or any other digital device is free of photos of your ex-girlfriends or even female acquaintances. There is nothing worse than a jealous girlfriend and you don’t want that kind of heat on yourself. When outdoors, never let her catch you glancing at other women. This is just plain rude and is bound to offend her.

Anniversaries Are Fine But Remember Smaller Things

So you are doing the basics for keeping your girlfriend happy by remembering all the important dates like birthdays and anniversaries. However, if you really want her happy, remember the smaller things. Gift her things that she might have just hinted at once or sometime in the distant past. Send her reminders about how gorgeous she looked when you met her on the first date. Compliment her for the not-so-obvious things like new nail-paint or a neutral-shade gloss that makes her lips more sumptuous. Your praises should be brief-yet-detailed and ideally, told to her in-person and not via SMS or emails.

Don't Be An Addict

Whether you like to gulp down too many vodka shots or are one of those nicotine addicts, the fact is that these habits tend to repulse most women. This applies even if your girlfriend smokes and drinks herself—yes, this means that you guys have a lot more in common but it doesn’t mean that she is going to dote on someone perennially hungover or whose breath always smells of cigarettes. Secondly, this shows utter disregard for your own health—a sign that you don’t treasure your well-being too much.

Listen To What Your Girlfriend Says

Yup, this is the most challenging of all things to do. Most girls are bound to talk a lot and present a whole lot of opinions about everything that surrounds us. They get easily offended if their men don’t share their verbal enthusiasm. However, you need to develop immunity to the blabber and remember the crux of the conversations at least. Women crave men who have are thoughtful about their opinions. Having interactive conversations is also the litmus test of whether your relationship is still going strong.

Don’t Get Into Public Arguments

Couples are bound to have arguments, often heated ones that could be in a public place. However, this is worst thing you could do. Even if you feel that she started the argument, try to douse it for a few hours. Arguing in public and engaging attention of passers-by is just piling on the humiliation. Further, if you are the one shouting more and she has some sort of an emotional breakdown, you can kiss your relationship goodbye.

Lie Lesser & Smarter

Most guys with girlfriends would say that lying at some point is almost inevitable. Yes, this is true but you need to be smart to the extent that you don’t get caught repeatedly. This doesn’t mean that we are encouraging you to two-time your girlfriend. Lie only when it is absolutely unavoidable and get your back-up story right. Most importantly, try to lie lesser and you will feel a lot more comfortable around her.

How to Face Your Darkest Fears

2012-11-22T09:03:00.005-08:00

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.”

We all fear something or the other. For some it is heights, for some it is public speaking, for some it is fear of lizards; fear of darkness for others. But most of these fears are caused by what “might” happen rather than what can actually happen. Those who fear snakes are afraid of getting bitten. But what they don’t understand is unless you actually become a threat to a snake or startle it, it won’t harm you. In fact, it will go its way. More often than not our fears act as obstacles and prevent us from succeeding. Follow these

tips to get over your fears:

Baby Steps

First and foremost, you should try and analyze your fear. If you’re scared of public speaking, think about the worst thing that could happen: people will laugh you; you will forget your lines; what else? Once you identify that nothing too bad can happen to you, you can start taking steps towards getting over your fear. If it’s swimming you fear, start by using a bathtub. Then start with the shallow end of a pool with an inflatable pool tube and take someone you trust. See for yourself how much fun it is. But if you keep standing at the edge of the pool fearing the worst, you will be a scared cat all your life. Don’t panic. Breathe, calm down and face your fear. Stare it down.

Channel your thoughts

Don’t let negativity surround you in anyway. Keep telling yourself that it is going to be okay. That you’re going to do well. Every time you feel like you’re becoming negative, turn it into a positive thought. Keep reinforcing the fact that is not a big deal at all and you got this. You can do this. Visualize yourself doing extremely well.

Focus on the task

When you’re in the middle of it, focus on performing. Focus on the task on hand, not on things that can wrong. If you’re batting, focus on where to hit the ball, not on the ways you can get out. Shift your focus from the fear of failure to the idea of success.

When nervous, think funny

When you feel you’re getting nervous with a racing heat and sweaty palms, think of something that always make you laugh: like the sneezing panda or the ‘pehchan kaun’ joke or a Russell Peter quip. Have a good laugh about it and you will forget all about being nervous. Watch inspirational videos of how people have overcome obstacles and won and read stories that speak of triumph.

Try again and again

If you fail once, don’t give up and go into hiding. Try again. If the first time you bang your scooter into a wall the first time you take it out for a ride, don’t be scared. Get back on the vehicle immediately (given that it isn’t damaged beyond repair) and learn to do it properly. If you give up the first time, you will always remain scared. Don’t let fear win. Like the famous Mountain Dew ad claims: ‘There is victory beyond fear’.

5 lies all women tell

2012-11-22T08:24:00.001-08:00

Women lie. Out of compulsion, to manipulate you, to manipulate the situation, to salvage the relationship, to willingly destroy the friendship, to be bitchy, to infuse some gossip and fun into an otherwise mundane life.

No matter the reason, women lie. As do men, but for the purpose of this article we’ll just stick to talking about the fairer sex. And no, no lies will be mentioned here.

Here are five lies that ALL women tell and very few own up to:

1. I am NOT mad at you

Lie. Lie. Lie. The moment she utters these words, the red flag, heck ALL the red flags you have, must go up. A woman only ever says this when she is fuming with wrath; when she is so angry with you that she wants to burn your sad soul and kick you right into hell. You’d be safe if she is mad at you than when she is not. So, if she isn’t mad at you, please do the needful and make sure she is absolutely mad at you.

2. You were Great!

If you actually were great, she wouldn’t necessarily say it. Instead she’d show you grateful she is. So if she tells you how great you were and raves and rants about it, chances are you were only but mediocre and she is just being nice.

3. Be honest, I can take it

This particularly statement is made after she asks you that* question. The question being: Do I look fat in this?*

It’s a trap. A big huge cage from which there is no escape. Any answer or no answer, you’re destined to die out of misery in that cage.

The truth is she cannot take your honesty and if you lie blatantly, she’ll catch you at it. So the trick here is to be moderate in your response; not too flowery, not too mean. Walk the tight-rope well and you might just manage to escape from the cage. PS: No living man has yet managed this feat.

4. I’m not jealous

In reality, she is jealous almost all the time. Jealous when you look at that girl walking by, jealous when you talk too much to your friend who is a girl. In all honesty, playful jealousy is fun, necessary even to keep the relationship going. So when she says she is not jealous, smile and kiss her cheek. Forget being jealous, she will just blush.

5. I never think of my ex

Everyone thinks of their ex. At some point or the other, we are driven back to times gone by because of a tune or a place or situation or a conversation. It’s okay if she thinks about her ex once in a while, because it is only normal to do so. And if she confesses to never thinking of her ex, I’d say something is wrong with her and that you need to assess what that is.

12 Things Successful People Do Differently

2012-11-21T06:26:00.001-08:00

I’ve always been fascinated by people who are consistently successful at what they do; especially those who experience repeated success in many areas of their life throughout their lifetime. In entertainment, I think of Clint Eastwood and Oprah Winfrey. In business, I think of Steve Jobs and Warren Buffett. We all have our own examples of super successful people like these who we admire. But how do they do it?

Over the years I’ve studied the lives of numerous successful people. I’ve read their books, watched their interviews, researched them online, etc. And I’ve learned that most of them were not born into success; they simply did, and continue to do, things that help them realize their full potential. Here are twelve things they do differently that the rest of us can easily emulate.

1. They create and pursue S.M.A.R.T. goals.

Successful people are objective. They have realistic targets in mind. They know what they are looking for and why they are fighting for it. Successful people create and pursue S.M.A.R.T. goals.

S.M.A.R.T. goals are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely. Let’s briefly review each:

Specific – A general goal would be, “Get in shape.” But a related specific goal would be, “Join a health club and workout 3 days a week for the next 52 weeks.” A specific goal has a far greater chance of being accomplished because it has defined parameters and constraints.

Measurable – There must be a logical system for measuring the progress of a goal. To determine if your goal is measurable, ask yourself questions like: How much time? How many total? How will I know when the goal is accomplished? etc. When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued efforts required to reach your goal.

Attainable – To be attainable, a goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work. In other words, the goal must be realistic. The big question here is: How can the goal be accomplished?

Relevant – Relevance stresses the importance of choosing goals that matter. For example, an internet entrepreneur’s goal to “Make 75 tuna sandwiches by 2:00PM.” may be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, and Timely, but lacks Relevance to an entrepreneurs overarching objective of building a profitable online business.

Timely – A goal must be grounded within a time frame, giving the goal a target date. A commitment to a deadline helps you focus your efforts on the completion of the goal on or before the due date. This part of the S.M.A.R.T. goal criteria is intended to prevent goals from being overtaken by daily distractions.

When you identify S.M.A.R.T. goals that are truly important to you, you become motivated to figure out ways to attain them. You develop the necessary attitude, abilities, and skills. You can achieve almost any goal you set if you plan your steps wisely and establish a time frame that allows you to carry out those steps. Goals that once seemed far away and out of reach eventually move closer and become attainable, not because your goals shrink, but because you grow and expand to match them.

2. They take decisive and immediate action.

Sadly, very few people ever live to become the success story they dream about. And there’s one simple reason why:

They never take action!

The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing. Growing happens when what you know changes how you live. So many people live in a complete daze. Actually, they don’t ‘live.’ They simply ‘get by’ because they never take the necessary action to make things happen – to seek their dreams.

It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without taking action. There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action. It’s as simple as that.

Success hinges on the simple act of making a decision to live – to absorb yourself in the process of going after your dreams and goals. So make that decision. And take action. For some practical guidance on taking action I highly recommend Getting Things Done.

3. They focus on being productive, not being busy.

In his book, The 4-Hour Workweek, Tim Ferris says, “Slow down and remember this: Most things make no difference. Being busy is often a form of mental laziness – lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.” This is Ferris’ way of saying “work smarter, not harder,” which happens to be one of the most prevalent modern day personal development clichés. But like most clichés, there’s a great deal of truth to it, and few people actually adhere to it.

Just take a quick look around. The busy outnumber the productive by a wide margin.

Busy people are rushing all over the place, and running late half of the time. They’re heading to work, conferences, meetings, social engagements, etc. They barely have enough free time for family get-togethers and they rarely get enough sleep. Yet, business emails are shooting out of their smart phones like machine gun bullets, and their daily planner is jammed to the brim with obligations.

Their busy schedule gives them an elevated sense of importance. But it’s all an illusion. They’re like hamsters running on a wheel.

The solution: Slow down. Breathe. Review your commitments and goals. Put first things first. Do one thing at a time. Start now. Take a short break in two hours. Repeat.

And always remember, results are more important than the time it takes to achieve them.

4. They make logical, informed decisions.

Sometimes we do things that are permanently foolish simply because we are temporarily upset or excited.

Although emotional ‘gut instincts’ are effective in certain fleeting situations, when it comes to generating long-term, sustained growth in any area of life, emotional decisions often lead a person astray. Decisions driven by heavy emotion typically contain minimal amounts of conscious thought, and are primarily based on momentary feelings instead of mindful awareness.

The best advice here is simple: Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.

5. They avoid the trap of trying to make things perfect.

Many of us are perfectionists in our own right. I know I am at times. We set high bars for ourselves and put our best foot forward. We dedicate copious amounts of time and attention to our work to maintain our high personal standards. Our passion for excellence drives us to run the extra mile, never stopping, never relenting. And this dedication towards perfection undoubtedly helps us achieve results… So long as we don’t get carried away.

But what happens when we do get carried away with perfectionism?

We become disgruntled and discouraged when we fail to meet the (impossibly high) standards we set for ourselves, making us reluctant to take on new challenges or even finish tasks we’ve already started. Our insistence on dotting every ‘I’ and crossing every ‘T’ breeds inefficiency, causing major delays, stress overload and subpar results.

True perfectionists have a hard time starting things and an even harder time finishing them, always. I have a friend who has wanted to start a graphic design business for several years. But she hasn’t yet. Why? When you sift through her extensive list of excuses it comes down to one simple problem: She is a perfectionist. Which means she doesn’t, and never will, think she’s good enough at graphic design to own and operate her own graphic design business.

Remember, the real world doesn’t reward perfectionists. It rewards people who get things done. And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time. Only by wading through years of practice and imperfection can we begin to achieve momentary glimpses of the perfection. So make a decision. Take action, learn from the outcome, and repeat this method over and over again in all walks of life. Also, check out Too Perfect. It’s an excellent read on conquering perfectionism.

6. They work outside of their comfort zone.

The number one thing I persistently see holding smart people back is their own reluctance to accept an opportunity simply because they don’t think they’re ready. In other words, they feel uncomfortable and believe they require additional knowledge, skill, experience, etc. before they can aptly partake in the opportunity. Sadly, this is the kind of thinking that stifles personal growth and success.

The truth is nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow emotionally and intellectually. They force us to stretch ourselves and our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first. And when we don’t feel comfortable, we don’t feel ready.

Significant moments of opportunity for personal growth and success will come and go throughout your lifetime. If you are looking to make positive changes and new breakthroughs in your life, you will need to embrace these moments of opportunity even though you will never feel 100% ready for them.

7. They keep things simple.

Leonardo da Vinci once said, “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Here in the 21st century, where information moves at the speed of light and opportunities for innovation seem endless, we have an abundant array of choices when it comes to designing our lives and careers. But sadly, an abundance of choice often leads to complication, confusion and inaction.

Several business and marketing studies have shown that the more product choices a consumer is faced with, the less products they typically buy. After all, narrowing down the best product from a pool of three choices is certainly a lot easier than narrowing down the best product from a pool of three hundred choices. If the purchasing decision is tough to make, most people will just give up. Likewise, if you complicate your life by inundating yourself with too many choices, your subconscious mind will give up.

The solution is to simplify. If you’re selling a product line, keep it simple. And if you’re trying to make a decision about something in your life, don’t waste all your time evaluating every last detail of every possible option. Choose something that you think will work and give it a shot. If it doesn’t work out, learn what you can from the experience, choose something else and keep pressing forward.

8. They focus on making small, continuous improvements.

Henry Ford once said, “Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small pieces.” The same concept configured as a question: How do you eat an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time. This philosophy holds true for achieving your biggest goals. Making small, positive changes – eating a little healthier, exercising a little, creating some small productive habits, for example – is an amazing way to get excited about life and slowly reach the level of success you aspire to.

And if you start small, you don’t need a lot of motivation to get started either. The simple act of getting started and doing something will give you the momentum you need, and soon you’ll find yourself in a positive spiral of changes – one building on the other. When I started doing this in my life, I was so excited I had to start this blog to share it with the world.

Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they arise. For instance, if you’re trying to lose weight, come up with a list of healthy snacks you can eat when you get the craving for snacks. It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier. And that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on bigger challenges.

9. They measure and track their progress.

Successful people are not only working in their job/business, they are also working on it. They step back and assess their progress regularly. They track themselves against their goals and clearly know what needs to be done to excel and accelerate.

You can’t control what you don’t properly measure. If you track the wrong things you’ll be completely blind to potential opportunities as they appear over the horizon. Imagine if, while running a small business, you made it a point to keep track of how many pencils and paperclips you used. Would that make any sense? No! Because pencils and paperclips are not a measure of what’s important for a business. Pencils and paperclips have no bearing on income, customer satisfaction, market growth, etc.

The proper approach is to figure out what your number one goal is and then track the things that directly relate to achieving that goal. I recommend that you take some time right now to identify your number one goal, identify the most important things for you to keep track of, and then begin tracking them immediately. On a weekly basis, plug the numbers into a spreadsheet and use the data to create weekly or monthly trend graphs so you can visualize your progress. Then fine-tune your actions to get those trends to grow in your favor.

10. They maintain a positive outlook as they learn from their mistakes.

Successful people concentrate on the positives – they look for the silver lining in every situation. They know that it is their positivity that will take them to greatness. If you want to be successful, you need to have a positive outlook toward life. Life will test you again and again. If you give in to internal negativity, you will never be able to achieve the marks you have targeted.

Remember, every mistake you make is progress. Mistakes teach you important lessons. Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal. The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

So don’t hesitate – don’t doubt yourself! Don’t let your own negativity sabotage you. Learn what you can and press forward.

11. They spend time with the right people.

Successful people associate with people who are likeminded, focused, and supportive. They socialize with people who create energy when they enter the room versus those who create energy when they leave. They reach out to connected, influential individuals who are right for their dreams and goals.

You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you hang with the wrong people, they will negatively affect you. But if you hang with the right people, you will become far more capable and successful than you ever could have been alone. Find your tribe and work together to make a difference in all of your lives. Tribes by Seth Godin is a great read on this topic.

12. They maintain balance in their life.

If you ask most people to summarize what they want out of life they’ll shout out a list of things like: ‘fall in love,’ ‘make money,’ ‘spend time with family,’ ‘find happiness,’ ‘achieve goals,’ etc. But sadly, a lot of people don’t balance their life properly to achieve these things. Typically they’ll achieve one or two of them while completely neglecting the rest. Let me give you two examples:

I know an extremely savvy businesswoman who made almost a million dollars online last year. Based on the success of her business, every entrepreneur I know looks up to her. But guess what? A few days ago, out of the blue, she told me that she’s depressed. Why? “I’m burnt out and lonely. I just haven’t taken enough time for myself lately, and I feel like something is missing in my life,” she said. “Wow!” I thought. “One of the most successful people I know doesn’t feel successful because she isn’t happy with how she has balanced her life.”

I also know a surfer who surfs all day, every day on the beach in front of our condo complex in San Diego. He’s one of the most lighthearted, optimistic guys I’ve ever met – usually smiling from ear to ear. But he sleeps in a rusty van he co-owns with another surfer, and they both frequently panhandle tourists for money. He has admitted to me that the stress of making enough money to eat often keeps him up at night. So while I can’t deny that this man seems happy most of the time, I wouldn’t classify his life as a success story.

These are just two simple examples of imbalanced lifestyles that are holding people back from their full potential. When you let your work life (or social life, family life, etc.) consume you, and all your energy is focused in that area, it’s extremely easy to lose your balance. While drive and focus are important, if you’re going to get things done right, and be truly successful, you need to balance the various dimensions of your life. Completely neglecting one dimension for another only leads to long-term frustration and stress.

understanding wisdom

2012-11-20T06:54:00.001-08:00

What does wisdom mean to you? If you look around at people you know and admire, you can detect those who are wise. We are naturally attracted to these people. Their wisdom can forge significant changes in the organizations we work with or even the world. These people are different. They do not have the same fears that drive the majority of the population. They act with integrity from their own values and are willing to stick to those values no matter what the consequence.

There may have been times when you, too, felt wise, perhaps a time when you were clear about what you wanted to achieve and what drove you toward your goals. The decisions made with such clarity are the ones that stand the test of time.

Though it is useful to consider wisdom, I feel that wisdom cannot be acquired from a book. But we can touch upon the wisdom that comes from meditation, providing yet another reason to develop mental resilience.

Understanding Wisdom

Wisdom has been defined as navigational intelligence. Mariners know the importance of finding their bearings before starting a voyage. We all have to know our own North Star. Once we have identified it, we can make progress toward our destination. Wisdom can also be considered the ability to make the choices that create the positive consequences we want in our lives. It is a kind of clarity to facilitate making effective choices and decisions. Without this wisdom we are at the whims of others' needs, instructions, or expectations.

In the context of meditation, we can gain wisdom only by asking questions and not forcing the answers, but waiting for them to arise. (This does sound somewhat esoteric or Zenlike, as in the conundrum, "What is the sound of one hand clapping?" At the end of the day, wisdom is experiential and therefore difficult to convey with words.) How does this happen? Going back to our metaphor of the glass filled with muddy water, after a period of settling down, the water becomes absolutely clear. If you then shine a flashlight through that glass of water, you start to see clearly. This is when answers appear.

When you ask yourself, "Why am I here? What's the meaning of life? What does my life really mean?" you may start getting a different response than more conventional answers such as "to be somebody's parent" or "to be somebody's husband, wife, child, brother, sister, or friend." You begin to understand what you want from your own existence. After meditation the mind becomes resilient and resembles a mirror, reflecting thoughts and sensations while remaining untouched by them. The luster of the mirror with its ability to reflect the continual changes of life remains unchanged.

The wisdom gained from meditation is not one size fits all; some call it enlightenment. While many people take enlightenment very seriously, the best definition of enlightenment I have heard is deceptively simple: the ability to lighten up. A meditation teacher I respect greatly, Ayya Khema, a German Jew who fled the Nazis, explained it like this: "Enlightenment is like playing a game with a child. You get involved with them, you celebrate the victories, and you mourn the losses. However, you know, always, that it is a game. As you play, you do not feel the stress of the game, knowing you can step back from it anytime."

We have heard the phrase, "life is just a game" many times, but how much do we really believe or practice it? If we really experienced it, how would it affect our level of stress? What if, in your body twenty-four hours a day, you truly felt that this life is just a game? What if you believed that everything you did - every achievement, every relationship, every thought you had - was just part of a game?

Imagine playing a game of Monopoly with a child. You feel excited and passionate about the game, and you enjoy the child's involvement. You play with an open heart, knowing full well that you will walk away from the game without consequence. There's no reality associated with it, so there's no stress, although there's a lot of fun and even a bit of tension.

In the same way, once you gain the wisdom that life is a game, you will look at it differently, even if the components of your life are the same. One of my favorite traditional Zen sayings is this: "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water; after enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

Turning to our modern lives, we might say, "Before enlightenment, attend meetings, give presentations, engage in relationships, live healthfully; after enlightenment, attend meetings, give presentations, engage in relationships, live healthfully." With enlightenment, the silt in the glass is still there, but it has settled! What you do looks very much the same. However, your perception of life is significantly different.

THE MIND

2012-11-08T00:47:00.005-08:00

The mind is a wonderful tool for thinking, but it has a dark side. There is an aspect of the mind that is not useful but pretends to be useful, which is called the egoic mind. It is the aspect of our mind that chats with us as we move about our day. It is the "voice in our head," as Eckhart Tolle calls it. Much of the time, this voice seems like our own thoughts and our own voice, and we often express these thoughts (e.g., "I love doing that!" "I can't wait until tomorrow." "I wonder what will happen"). At other times, this voice is like the voice of a parent or other authority figure or a friend (e.g., "You should try harder." "Don't forget to take your vitamins." "Wouldn't it be fun to try that!"). It may even seem evil or mean (e.g., "You never do anything right. You're worthless. You might as well give up"). We tend to take this voice seriously—we believe it, agree with it, and don't question it. We believe it because we are programmed, or wired, to believe our ow! n thoughts, regardless of whether they are true and helpful or not.

Not only do we believe these thoughts, but we believe they are "ours." We identify with them—we feel they reflect who we are. We don't tend to question our own thoughts, although we readily question other people's thoughts, especially if those thoughts are different from ours. But when we stop and examine what this mental voice is saying, we discover a lot of contradictory advice, misinformation, prejudices, judgments, and other negativity. This mental voice is often unkind, belittling, fearful, self-doubting, judgmental, complaining, confused, and unhelpful.

It turns out that the voice in our head is not a very good guide to life, and yet we tend to accept what it says and do what it suggests. This voice, in fact, is the cause of human suffering. It fights life, rails against it, and is discontent and afraid. It is the voice of the false self—the ego—not the true self. The thoughts that arise in our mind cause every negative emotion we experience: fear, guilt, anger, jealousy, shame, sadness, resentment, envy, hopelessness, worthlessness, and depression. Without these thoughts, we would live in peace within ourselves and in harmony with others. But you already know this, don't you?

The funny thing is that we can see the truth about the egoic mind and still be entranced by it, still be mesmerized by it. The programming to pay attention to and believe this aspect of the mind is very strong, and it takes not only seeing the truth about it, but also a practice, as in meditation, of not giving our attention to this mental voice before we gain enough distance from it to experience freedom and the joy and peace of our true self, or Essence, as I like to call it.

The reason for moving out of the egoic mind and into the Now is to experience who we really are. Our thoughts represent the false self, the ego. In fact, all the false self is, is thoughts. There is no substance, no thing, that is the false self—only thoughts. The false self is made up of ideas about yourself: "I'm a woman, I'm a mother, I don't like traveling, I'm middle-aged, I like blue, I'm married, my father deserted me when I was young, I want to be a novelist, I'm not pretty enough," and so on. Such ideas create an image and sense of yourself, but you are not an image or even this sense of yourself. Images aren't real or true. Feelings about yourself aren't even real or true, since they are based only on thoughts, which aren't real or true. Who you really are has nothing to do with any of these ideas, feelings about yourself, or stories you tell about yourself.

Calmness of mind

2012-11-04T05:32:00.000-08:00

In a world where stress, worries, fears, strain, rush and restlessness abound, inner peace is of paramount importance. It is a treasure that everyone desires, but very few know how to find and enjoy. Almost every day we face situations that cause stress, anxieties, worries or unhappiness. Problems, conflicts, demands, misunderstandings or emergencies often arise at work, at home or in relationships, and lead to emotional and physical strain or problems.

A state of inner peace is a great blessing in such and similar situations, and is important for dealing effectively with them. The aim of this book is to help you find this state of inner peace. Often, even while being in good financial condition and in good health, people still experience anxiety, unhappiness and lack of peace. This is because inner peace and happiness come from within, and do not depend on external conditions and circumstances.

You cannot always change or control your external conditions, but you can certainly bring changes into your inner world, which will in turn affect your actions, reactions and external world. If you thought that inner peace is a state of weakness and passivity, you are wrong! You may lead a normal life, like everyone else, but at the same time enjoy a state of inner peace and inner strength that no external conditions can disturb. The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good.

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that admits into the mind thoughts, words and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. It is a mental attitude that expects good and favorable results. A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful result. Whatever the mind expects, it finds. Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results.

Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity. It is quite common to hear people say: "Think positive!", to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means? Positive and negative thinking are contagious.

All of us affect the people we meet, in one way or another. This happens instinctively and on a subconscious level, through our thoughts and feelings, and through body language. People sense our aura, and are affected by our thoughts, and vice versa. Is it any wonder that we want to be around positive people, and prefer to avoid negative ones? People are more disposed to help us, if we are positive, and they dislike and avoid anyone broadcasting negativity. Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.

WORDS TO LIVE BY

2012-10-31T08:32:00.001-07:00

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

10. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

11. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

12. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it

13. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

14. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

15. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

16. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

18. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

19. You should not confuse your career with your life.

20. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

21. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

22. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

23. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new.

26. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic..